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The Mission
by William Brust
Red alarms flashed at the home base. A message from the brain reached the epididymis front: “Reproduction has been initiated. Prepare for ejaculation. This is not a drill. Repeat. This is not a drill.”
The commander brought all 40 million sperm cells together. “Alright recruits,” the commander began, “this is the big one, what you’ve all been assembled for. We will be traveling deep into enemy territory. The enemy will do all in its power to destroy you. Be prepared to be attacked by inflammation, antibody turrets, and white blood cells. None of us will ever make it back. Only one of you will achieve our goal: fertilization of the egg. Any questions?”
An X sperm cell named X300 flung her tail up and asked, “How will we know the egg, sir?”
The commander replied, “Attempt fertilization procedure. If the cell does not comply or attempts to harm you, you have chosen poorly. Also, once one of you achieves fertilization, the egg will form an impenetrable outer layer. At that point, the mission ends. Any other questions before we head to the vas deferens?”
The X and Y sperm cells looked around with resolute heads. Another message came from the Brain, “Arousal complete. Continuing with fertilization procedure. Prepare for ejaculation. Good luck.”
The sperm moved up through the vas deferens and into the seminal vesicles. Nutrients and water mixed around them, nourishment for their journey into the Beyond.
Then ejaculation occurred in a flash of rushing fluids. “Go, go, go! Don’t look back! Keep swimming!” The commander barked at his raw recruits. The sperm exited the urethra in a vast cloud of confusion. Cries of “which way?” and “lookout for white blood cells!” rang throughout the vagina. Many sperm were turned around, unaware of which way to go.
“Not that way, cadets!” the commander shouted. From deep in enemy territory, vaginal fluids began to flow. “That’s our ticket, cells! Upstream!”
Some of the sperm cells were confused. Upstream? The sperm began to swim toward the source of the fluids. They soon found that swimming upstream was easier than trying to follow the chaotic and misty seminal fluids.
“Follow the stream, it’ll lead us through the cervix and on into the uterus. After that, you’re on your own,” the commander ordered.
As the sperm began to draw near the cervix, one sperm shouted, “Incoming white blood cells at two o’clock. That’s bogeys at two! Everyone, evasive maneuvers!” The defense cells of the enemy began to attack and consume the sperm cells from the walls of the vagina, and antibody turrets made sperm immobile. In seconds, thousands of sperm cells fell to the power of the enemy’s defense grid. X300 shouted, “Cover me, I’m headin’ for the cervix!” The faster sperm cell Y300 responded, “Roger that, X300. Help is on the way. Hold tight, over.”
X300 began twirling,
speeding up, rocketing toward the cervix, white blood cells hot
in pursuit. Antibody turrets began to unleash their volleys at her,
but Y300 distracted them by flying in front of their sensors, drawing
their fire. The white blood cells had to split up, and Y300 began
to make daring maneuvers, flying between two white blood cells at
high speeds, prompting a collision that sent chunks of cell membrane
exploding outward. “Yahoo! That’s two down, 'bout 3
million to go!”
“Cool your jets, Y300. We still got some heavy traffic on our flanks,” said another Y sperm cell, Y603.
“Those bogeys can’t slow us down,” Y300 laughed, as he entered the cervix, alongside X300 and the commander.
“Good show, cadets. Got a little hung up back there, but we’re still go for mission,” the commander said. Several million sperm cells got through the white blood cell front and entered the uterus.
Once inside the uterus, the commander gave the order to spread out, and the other sperm cells complied. Soon, sperm cells were searching every nook and cranny, hoping to find the egg or another entrance to where the egg might be. X300 felt like she had been swimming for days. “This must be what a red blood cell feels like…” she muttered. She moved her tail slower now, no need to be too fast. The stream was gone. She only had leftover semen and uterine moisture to rely on. She’d need to conserve her strength if she wanted to reach the egg.
Then, from way up in front, X300 received a message from Y300: “Got the egg in my sights. I’m beginning my run.”
Invigorated, X300 decided she would speed up just a little. However, she found she could not go any faster. Something stronger than curiosity and bravery worked within her to coerce her into maintaining her speed.
The commander joined her side. “Your instinct is kicking in. Don’t try to fight it. Like it or not, you can’t go any faster than you are right now.”
X300 exclaimed, “How did you know—sir, how can we hope to reach the egg, now?”
The commander laughed and nodded, replying, “Don’t worry. We still have a chance. Besides, it doesn’t matter who fertilizes the egg. Whoever gets there first and penetrates the egg will be the best of us. We still have a chance.”
Some of the sperm began to lose the flow of semen and died from lack of nourishment. Many of the weaker sperm cells slowed down until they finally stopped moving, unable to continue. The older sperm cells died as well, too tired and run down. Only fifty thousand sperm cells entered the fallopian tubes.
Y300 could see the massive egg cell in full view before him. “There she is,” he reported back to the others, “We got echo-echo-golf-golf niner. Vector five-six-six. Bearing on three. I’m heading in. Initiating penetration procedure.”
The sperm cell headed straight for the enormous round egg. As he got closer, he realized he was going too fast. “Current velocity too strong for penetration. Can’t adjust speeds. Mayday! Mayday! Going down!” he shouted before smashing his head against the thick hide of the egg cell, splitting into a thousand tiny chunks of protein and DNA.
News traveled down the sperm cell line that many sperm had died, smashing against the thick hide of the egg. Near the entrance of the fallopian tube, X300 did not want to believe the awful news, but she knew it was true. She followed the sperm cells in front, using dwindling semen and moisture from the fallopian tube to swim. She could see the egg in the distance. As she approached, she passed sperm that had been too weak to go on and numerous others with split and shattered heads. She shuddered at all the broken sperm bodies.
When she came closer to the egg, several thousand sperm were approaching as well, from different angles. She could see the commander in the distance, leading three thousand sperm toward the egg. Then, X300 did something she had not thought possible. She sped up. X300 swam until she thought she would burst, racing against twenty thousand other sperm toward the egg. She reached first. “Target’s in sight. Initiating penetration procedure,” she reported. Her head began to drill into the egg cell’s membrane. She realized then that the other, faster sperm had weakened the egg cell enough to enable X300 to penetrate the cell membrane.
Then, X300’s head entered the interior of the egg. “Penetration complete. Releasing payload. X300 out.” X300’s head burst into a cloud of DNA and other fertilization chemicals. A voice boomed from the egg, “Fertilization complete. Zygote online.”
“Mission complete, cells. Nice job,” the commander said, “those were some real textbook moves back there. But let’s see if we can’t try for twins. All cells, initiate penetration! Go! Go! Go!”
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